A Letter to a Woman who Wrecked my Event

"I wish I'd stayed home."
Image copyright Janet Cameron

If people are mean, it's often said that it's because of their own pain, but sometimes it's hard not to feel that there are a few cases where people achieve nastiness without even trying. I suspect you are one of the latter. Why I will never know as I never did anything unkind to you.

I'm not at all sure why you picked on me. I did sense when I first met you, that you were hyper... well, hyper something or other. From the way you looked at me, I sensed we might not get on..

It's pretty tough making new friends when you move far away from your home territory, especially when you are "a woman of a certain age.". I was delighted to be invited to join a group of mature women who met up for regular days out, lunches, walks, etc. I formed great friendships, in spite of the fact you were there, and always seemed to be bristling with irritation. 

When it was my turn to organise a day out, I prepared by visiting a beautiful village in West Sussex (where King Canute proved a mere man, even a king, could not hold back the sea.)  I planned visits to local attractions and checked out eating places. Finally, I settled on a quaint, "olde world" pub where I booked a table for a few weeks' time.. 

I set about contacting everyone and organised car shares for the visit. Some people were on holiday so, in the end, we were only seven instead of eleven.

We met at the pub. I said hello to you, and used your name. You grunted an unsmiling "hello" and immediately turned away from me, having treated every other woman there to a welcoming hug, as is the custom in the group. No matter. I really don't mind if not everyone likes me. A person has to be philosophical about that.

We set off for our first visit to a Craft Centre. We found you were missing. You are known for having hissy fits, after all, so no one was surprised. When we went for a coffee, one of the party phoned you to see if you were okay. She turned to me, looking pale.

"She's at the pub. She says there is no table booked. They don't take table bookings - ever!."

"It's booked," I replied. "I booked it weeks ago. They confirmed it when we arrived."

My friend looked at me quizzically, "She's sure. She's checked. They says they do not accept bookings," she said. Already I was finding myself on the defensive as everyone looked worried.. 

We rushed our tea to get back to the pub and see what happened. As we entered, the publican said, "We couldn't let you have the inside table. You are in the garden."

I soon found out why we had lost our inside table - because there you were, sitting on the one vacant table with "that look" on your face. "I had to stay here," you said. "to save the table." 

"The table was booked," I told you. "I did it personally, several weeks ago."

I don't actually remember what you said after that. I only know it was rude and dismissive and you flounced off, I only remember the feeling of injustice and rage that came over me and how hot and shaky I felt. I realised I was being judged, for pretending, and for, allegedly, bringing all these people miles into the countryside without even making sure we had a booking at this major tourist attraction.

Then someone went after you, and came back saying you would not be coming back. "This is crazy. It's all about nothing," I said. The others were kind and told me not to worry - they said they believed me. One woman explained you had personal problems.

Later, when the publican came over to our table with the bill, I tackled him. I pointed out I'd booked a table weeks ago, but that he had told one of our ladies that there wasn't a booking which had caused a misunderstanding. 

He acknowledged we had a booking.

"So, have the rules just changed?"

"Oh yes, we do take bookings. But we don't take them for outside areas or in the garden, only for inside the pub."

So that was why we had lost our indoor booking, because you had commandeered an outside table and sat there all the time we were exploring. As a result, they let our table go and we had to sit in the blistering hot sun for over an hour while having our meal. Not ideal.

Later, we went in our separate cars to meet up for another stop on the homeward run. Your driver phoned you to get you back to her car. I know the women who shared with you would have told you that you had misunderstood the pub's booking policy, and that I had done what I had promised..

If you had come along with us in the first place instead of throwing a wobbly, none of this would have happened anyway.That was the plan. A day out TOGETHER. But I guess it was more fun for you to try to find some fault with my chosen venue. 

Would I get an apology?

Not a chance. When we met at the next venue, you still ignored me. You greeted and goodbyed everyone around me, while pretending I wasn't there.

I know you have a lot of problems, which is why the others are so kind to you and let you get away with your nasty comments and behaviour.  But you don't have a monopoly on pain, and I am not sure your problems give you the right to hurt others. I put a lot of effort into my day out and by the time it ended, I felt sick and depressed.

I can easily see how people are punished, imprisoned, or even executed, for something they didn't do. Thank heavens this wasn't more serious than a disputed table booking and my upset feelings only lasted for a couple of days.